Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen

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(516): View more from New York

I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.

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(571): View more from Virginia

I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet

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(573): View more from Missouri

You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

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(231): View more from Michigan

You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.

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(301): View more from Maryland

the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.

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(805): View more from California

I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop

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