Im at strip club and am horny
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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