Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize