Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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