me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Randomize
