I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize