he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
