It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
