It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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