he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
