So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
