his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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