oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we should paint friendship bongs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
