I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
