dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
