What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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