Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
