I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
