he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
