Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
