just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
