I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
