I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
