bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize