She said her name was "party"
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
