a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
