I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
