Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
