Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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