i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
