it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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