You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
