Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
