dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize