im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
