Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we're so committed to being not committed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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