Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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