I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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