I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
