you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
