He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
