Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if only i could text you this smell
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
