at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
