Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
