oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize