I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
