he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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