Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize