im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
