Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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