Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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