I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
