Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
