I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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