Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
