you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize