I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
