Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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