Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
