this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
