honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just cropdusted the office
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
