Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
