remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
