so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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