Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
