ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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