How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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