Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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