just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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