You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
