if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
