Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
