I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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