If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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