I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
