omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
