I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
