im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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