I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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