OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
