I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
