I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
