You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
